I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
