Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
