i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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