In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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