So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
