the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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