she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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