Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
