Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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