Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize