I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
