So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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