i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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