I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
