Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
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At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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