What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is my gift to your gina
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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