She's JV to your varsity
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
