we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
