Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Two words: nipple clamps
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