You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
