booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
