why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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