We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
