if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
