She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
