I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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