there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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