Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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