the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
