I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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