Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
