Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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