YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
