Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
