duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
