just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We are all done wearing pants today
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
