when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
