Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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