this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
