his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
