It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
