She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
