And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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