Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
