NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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