covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
cat food counts as protein by the way
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Come on in and take your pants off
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