is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
