i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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