I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
