It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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