What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
