Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize