im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
