His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
