Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
