we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
