you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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