Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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