Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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