I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Randomize
