I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
