I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
