im holly from the hills drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
did i just pee glitter
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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