NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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