you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What a dumb baby whore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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