Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
