I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
