to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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