I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
