seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
