Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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