With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My ATM looks so different sober.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
