Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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